Kid Whisperer Nation Tip for Parents #106
HELP AS A FAVOR
It’s OK and healthy for parents to help kids do something that is the responsibility of the kid, as long as we identify the activity as the kid’s responsibility first. This takes away any confusion about whose responsibility the chore is.
By simply asking if they need help, you are tacitly identifying the chore or task as the responsibility of the kid. Never just start helping.
For example, if your kid brings objects into the car, it is their responsibility to take those items out of the car and put them back where they go. If your kid, upon arriving back home, now has too many things to bring everything in with one trip, you could require that they make two trips. Or, if you have a spare hand and if you feel like it, you can your kid if they’d like some help.
Kid Whisperer Nation Tip for Parents #107
YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE WISDOM, SO ACT LIKE IT
Your kids are not wise.
Wisdom is defined as the ability to think and act using knowledge, experience, understanding, common sense, and insight. Your kids don’t have enough of any of these things to be wise. It’s your job to have amassed enough wisdom to be a parent, and then to use your wisdom to become a functional parent who gives your kids the tools to have a functional life.
Kid Whisperer Nation Tip for Parents #108
YOUR KIDS’ FEELINGS ARE NEVER WRONG
…but their behaviors may be. The behavior is wrong if it causes a problem for another person, and you are a person.
If you excuse your kids’ behaviors that are exhibited when they are angry or sad or upset simply because they are feeling these emotions, you are teaching your kid that they are not responsible for their own behaviors. This trains kids to be irresponsible, often mean, and sometimes dangerous.
Being responsible means to be able to control one’s own responses, and kids need to learn to do this, no matter what feelings they feel.
Kid Whisperer Nation Tip for Parents #109
PLAN TO ENJOY STUFF TOGETHER
Life can be hard and stressful. When real life stresses you out, it can be harder to be nice to the people around you and often, those people are your kids. So, as much as possible, plan activities with your kids that you are sure will be fun and stress-free, and try to make them as interactive as possible. While watching TV may be all you have energy for on certain nights, a trip to the zoo, park, or favorite restaurant may help to remind you of how positive your interactions with your kids can be.
You already know to do this. Perhaps just let this serve as a reminder!
Kid Whisperer Nation Tip for Parents #110
SET EXPECTATIONS FOR ADVENTURE INSTEAD OF FOR GETTING TO A DESTINATION
Things often don’t work out. Plans are often changed, foiled, or ruined. While you might not get to where you plan on going, it’s likely that you have an interesting journey to wherever you end up.
When you set expectations in life as an adventure instead of guaranteeing the arrival at a destination, it gives kids a more realistic outlook on life and prepares them for the disappointments, trials, and tribulations of life.
“We’re going to go to Florida” is less fun and interesting than “We’re going on an adventure! Let’s hope we get to Florida.”
“You should win today’s game” puts undue pressure on a kid and takes some fun away, while “Do your best today and we’ll see what happens!” takes some pressure off and implies that life is the wonderful adventure that it is!