Kid Whisperer Nation Tip for Parents #46
ALLOW YOUR KIDS TO GET HURT SAFELY
Kids are bouncy. They’re not china dolls. Running around on a playground, rough and tumble play, and riding bikes fast around the neighborhood play will produce injuries. Good. Great. Perfect. This is the world teaching your kids important lessons about proper and safe physical limits, how hard you should grab someone without them getting angry, and which brake to apply first.
Not allowing this kind of play will stop your kids from learning these lessons, or learning them well, and will make your kids less safe, not more.
Kid Whisperer Nation Tip for Parents #47
NOTICE UNPROMPTIVE POSITIVE BEHAVIORS
First of all, I think I’ve coined a word: Unpromptive.
Second, the problem with our kids’ positive behaviors is that we tend to let them go by unnoticed. I’m not talking about really positive behaviors: if your five-year-old saves your two-year-old from drowning in the pool, you will tend to notice. I’m referring to the everyday positive behaviors: working on homework, being kind to a little brother, being quiet in the movie theater.
Not noticing these positive behaviors is typical because these behaviors are, yes, unpromptive: they don’t do much or anything to cause adults to notice them.
Here’s the problem: you know what kinds of behaviors are promptive? NEGATIVE behaviors. If you kid punches his younger brother, you are prompted to give attention to it. How we give attention in that situation is another story, but oftentimes the attention given will reinforce the behavior.
So then, since we know that giving attention to negative behaviors often reinforces the behavior, you have to be thoughtful about giving attention to those unpromptive positive behaviors, even if they don’t seem like a big deal.
How to do it is simple:
“I noticed that you are working hard.”
“I noticed that you are being kind to your brother.”
“I noticed that you are being quiet during the movie.”
Kid Whisperer Nation Tip for Parents #48
GIVE YOUR KIDS PROPER DUE PROCESS
You are the boss, but even bosses can make mistakes. Your kids need the chance to have some kind of due process in the application of your rules, BUT kids cannot be allowed get a fair hearing through arguing, tantrums, or generalized obnoxious behavior.
So, your kids should be taught some magic words: words that will produce a fair hearing on the matter later, at a time of YOUR choosing, when all is well, and when your brain works. Here they are, though you can decide on your own script. In a low, calm tone, your kids should know to say the following: “I don’t know about that. Could we talk about it later?”
They should know that these words, said in a low, calm tone, will get them a hearing. Any other words or actions will get them nothing.
Kid Whisperer Nation Tip for Parents #49
GOOD INTENTIONS PRODUCE NOTHING
Plenty of parents with good hearts and the best of intentions produce terrible kids who grow up to be awful adults. Kindly and with the best of intentions allowing your kids to use bad behaviors that become bad habits that become bad personalities isn’t OK just because you are a nice person. A nice person unleashing awful people upon the world is not nice.
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Kid Whisperer Nation Tip for Parents #50
ASSUME THAT YOUR KIDS ARE BECOMING CONSTANTLY MORE CAPABLE, OR THEY WON’T BE
Your child developing is a real thing. Ask more and more from your kid, not year by year, but week by week. Just by challenging your kid insofar as responsibilities are concerned will make your kid better, smarter, and more responsible.